old.

I just got up from a nap cause of the heavy rain and the thunder. The loud sound scares me sometimes, I woke up staring into darkness, wondering what time it is. No idea how long my nap has been. I don't usually take naps, but I've been really tired lately.

Not too sure exactly if I am mentally tired, or if I am physically tired. But I sure know that I am mentally exhausted in some ways.

I have been sitting down, thinking, but I don't know what's on my mind either.


I feel rather gloomy, and all messed up inside, just exactly like the weather. Why does this feel so familiar? I guess, he's crossed my mind again. Yes, again. How long has it been and he's still on my mind? I cannot lie, it's getting really annoying sometimes.

I have never once wanted to think about him voluntarily. I've had several episodes of dreams about him, I wake up, feeling messed up again, not because I see him in my dreams, but because the dreams felt so real, too real. But it's all just a dream, and nothing more. It drains so much out of me.

We've got mutual friends and occasionally, he gets mentioned in the conversations and there is nothing I can do other than to pretend that it does not bother me at all. I have pictures of us in my phone, in my laptop, in my room, they're everywhere and I have yet to get rid of them.

As the raindrops run down my window, I stare right out looking at the skies, they are dark and gloomy.

Exactly what my mood is right now. Thunder roaring and lightning striking, you knew I was afraid of them. You would be sitting right next to me, holding me in your arms if you were here. My fist clench tighter as the rain pours heavier, my heart feels heavier as every second passes by. Where are you?


 My cellphone laying on my bed untouched, no text messages or call from you.

Feeling sober .