It's a Race, Grace.

Life is one big party when you're still young
But who's gonna have your back when it's all done
It's all good when you're little, you have pure fun
Can't be a fool son, what about the long run?

You promised the world and I fell for it
I put you first and you adored it

Set fires to my forest

And you let it burn

.

Tired face updated TEHEE

Hey, what's up guys?

It's been awhile since I last blogged.

Aelfred is 7 months old now. He is the cutest baby in the world! Yesterday I proudly honestly told Nic that I love him more than Aelfred. Of course, God first then Nic ok. but Nic was like,
"No way, I have done experiment once ago where I told you that there were mosquitoes biting me and you did nothing but when I say Mosquitoes biting Aelfred, you stood up in a seconds to check on him"

HAHAH. I really thought I sayang Nic more than Aelfred tho. Now then I am not sure.

Show you Aelfred's sleeping picture because it's the only picture he stop moving LOL

OH YA. HAPPY 2023! It's the begining of April 2023 already. hehe

I guess motherhood is getting better now with my emotion more stable and less grumpy. My nurses at the clinic was like "Dr nampak lebih ceria sekarang banding dengan akhir tahun lepas"

Well, I guess people around saw me struggle a little with my postpartum depression. I thought I hide it well yo. 

In February 2023, I was attached to the hospital which meant a month of crazy on-call at night and a month of treating/observing complicated head-Neck fracture. Every single on-call has at least two motorbike accidents that involve the dental team. I wonder how hectic the medical team is. Thankful that Nic was able to look after Aelfred throughout. Happiness is when hubby sends you to work every morning because it is time-consuming to search for parking at the hospital you see. So grateful to the dental specialist team that doesn't make me feel like we are having different status as we work together. Now then I am inspired to further my studies.

hmm

Last night I had a dream about me having a new beautiful house in this tall building above the cloud. The interior design is just the way I wanted and as I stepped inside, I was greeted by the most incredible view I had ever seen. The walls were made of glass, and I could see for miles and miles in every direction. The sky was a brilliant shade of blue, and I could see other clouds floating by in the distance. The house is occupied by my hubby Nic and baby Aelfred. We snuggled up on the couch and watched as the sun began to set, casting a warm orange glow across the sky. So peaceful, comfy, and contented. 

 It is just like heaven, so I pray that heaven be like this. Just me, my husband and my baby for eternity. How is it possible because pastor says we are all standing as an individual in heaven? Then I woke up to the scene where there is a angmo burglar broke into the house and Nic ask me to flee first. Phew

Even though the house in the cloud was just a dream, it reminded us of the importance of cherishing the moments we have with our loved ones and creating our own little slice of heaven wherever we may be.

Search on Pinterest for an almost close view in my dream;

Told Nic about this dream and he was like "house above the cloud? You mean we were dead?"

hmm

Motherhood is still kind of hectic especially in the morning as I get ready to send Aelfred to the nanny's house feat me against the morning school traffic. So far, no good. LOL. My boss asked me not to write the same reason for being late. Never expect I will have this day where I am not on time. Maybe I don't have OCD. Nowadays I am messy and late you see. 

I have found the key to decrease the tiredness emotion in my early/first motherhood which is to remind myself that "To the world, you may be just one person, but to your newborn baby you are his world" 
Newborns are helpless and they need a mother/father for everything ok.
Thus, be strong mama!

Plan to go to France with my bestie Jianin & Nic this July. God bless Aelfred and Moriel when they are on the plane. May they be a comfortable and good boy. 

Recently, many of my friends update their social media status from single to married and to conceiving their first child. It's a butterfly in my stomach to notice my friends are entering the married life/ motherhood. Each time, I saw a status update I will remember my experience back then. Getting married and being pregnant and carrying 1-month-old Aelfred felt like yesterday. 

As I scrolled through Instagram feed, I saw ig stories from one of my church members, whom I hadn't spoken to in years. The post announced their wedding, and included several photos of the happy couple in their wedding attire. As I looked at the pictures, I felt a mix of emotions- happiness for her, but also a twinge of sadness that we had lost touch over the years.

I clicked through to see more photos and read the captions. It was clear that they had found true love and were surrounded by friends and family who supported and cared for them. Despite our past differences, I felt a sense of joy for them and wishes them all the best in their new life together. 

As I closed the app and set down my phone, I COULDN'T SLEEP. haha because I realize I wasn't invited. But also, I noticed all the church members have grown, some grow up and others older. I missed them. Missing how we used to meet up almost every day for church. I wonder if my sunday school children still remember me as their teacher.  I guess those were considered a luxury now. This got me thinking if I could turn back the time, will I make a slightly different decision? Nah nope. It is smartest thing I did to leave the relationship with the man who restrict me so much, I was only 19! and I left JB for freedom but end up being controlled for years. 

I still remember till today, I will have nightmare of me being forced to get ready to be married to him and there's no way out. WTH. Nic was like "you need to pray for breaking the soul tie" tsk

Actually, nothing much has changed in me. Maybe my walk with God. I hardly get to peacefully attend a church service/pray. There's no sunday school in the church here that can help you look after the kids during service you see. Sometimes when I really got the time to pray, I just lost for words. OR WORST; I fell asleep / start scrolling social media. 

Nic used to remind me that Aelfred is a blessing, don't let it be a reason for me to be absent in God's work. I guess I haven't try hard enough. 

Last month, I went for an interview for the permanent post, and it was fine. I have practiced a long paragraph to introduce myself but end up the interviewer have brief info about me already so they didn't ask me to introduce myself. haiya.

1st April, I got a new haircut. The shortest hair length I had in history. I was expecting shorter, maybe the next haircut can be shorter!

TADAA

End this messy blog post with cutie Aelfred

I always thought that I was hard to love, 'till you made it seem so easy, seem so easy.

Marry a man who runs to God when you have problems, not to other women.

Thank you for reading. Till then! xx