Fresh month energy.

 

Hello again October! 

Can you believe there are only two months left until 2027?

We only get about 30,000 days if we live to be 82. Don't just watch the years fly by—make every single day count!

"As I look back, this year feels like a blur, and it's easy to feel like I haven't accomplished enough. But turning 32 next month is a gentle reminder that I have successfully lived nearly 11,700 days, and I still have a vast horizon of over 18,000 days ahead to grow, experience, and build at my own pace.

( I don’t know bout you but I’m still feeling 22~ )

Jokes aside, September was absolute chaos between balancing motherhood and surviving wild workplace politics. This is exactly what it looks like when you're doing absolutely nothing and everything all at the same time.

"Doing absolutely nothing and everything all at the same time."

Two weeks into October, I took my first major leap out of the motherhood bubble: a 4-day conference trip to KL. It was my very first time being away from my two children for more than 24 hours. The excitement was entirely real, but so was the crushing weight of mom guilt. 

That first night, instead of enjoying the quiet room, insomnia hit, and I found myself glued to the CCTV monitor. 

I had spent weeks prepping my 4-year-old, Aelfred, for my absence, terrified of how he would handle sleeping without me. Instead, he looked at me and said, 'Don't worry mommy, Jesus will protect me and He will accompany me while I sleep.'They say children mirror their parents, but I honestly don't remember ever being that brave—without him, I still need the bedside lamp on! 

         Showing off my PDD OOTD

              

  

           

While away, reconnecting with old friends who knew me before motherhood felt like opening a time capsule. It brought up a strange paradox: when people say 'you haven't changed a bit,' a part of you wonders if you've failed to grow. Yet, if they say 'you’ve changed so much,' it carries a heavy sadness, making you wonder what difficult seasons altered you. 

 It is a beautiful compliment when old friends say you haven't changed, because it means your core warmth, essence, and spirit remain untouched by the harshness of adulthood. You didn't fail to grow; you just managed to protect your inner light while carrying massive new responsibilities.

During my trip, I reconnected with Szelee, who recently got happily married. The last time we spoke was in 2020, during the pandemic, when she insisted our values were too different, so we unfriended and unfollowed each other. Just like that, six years evaporated. Seeing her again wasn’t awkward at all; the old familiarity was instantly there. Yet, after the meetup, I realized her assessment was right—we still hold different values. During this meet up, Szelee shared her view that she doesn't need a best friend, viewing the title as a burden, and honestly, I agree. She was my closest confidante from 2009 to 2020—spanning two decades of shared history. Moving forward without her daily presence to hear my stories was a massive shift, but over the last six years, I’ve grown used to it. I have become my own best friend. Today, nobody knows my next move—not even me. HAH

Just two weeks into October, and it's been a total winning streak. I took home the lucky draw at the MES conference,won our team-building competition, and was honored with the Anugerah 3S (Senyum, Salam, Sapa). On top of all the real-life action, I somehow managed to binge-watch two whole Netflix dramas: Pursuit of Jade and The Early Spring. 

Watching The Early Spring was a total trip down memory lane—the demanding, control-freak boss character reminded me so much of Szelee! 

She was always known for her razor-sharp tongue and analytical mind. She rarely handed out sweet talk unless it was absolutely necessary, which meant whenever you actually managed to get a compliment out of her, it felt like winning an absolute gold medal. 

In short, it can be draining. EH but I love her yo!

While watching the drama, one line really stuck out to me: 'When you truly love someone, it’s completely natural to start feeling a bit possessive.' It made me pause, and I actually asked my husband, 'Hey, I don't feel possessive over you at all... does that mean I don’t love you?' Without skipping a beat, Nic said, 'Uh, you've been completely possessive of my money though, does that count?'

I didnt sign up for a LDR husband but anyway true love is the opposite of possessiveness; it is the willingness to support the other person's freedom. 

In September, I organized a Mooncake Festival celebration for Aelfred's classmate parents' group. (Imma in this stage of life where my WhatsApp group are named 'Mother gathering' etc-feeling like an imposter mother) Standing there as the only solo parent hosting—with Nic present only virtually while every other mom had their husband by their side—was a bit bittersweet. It felt lonely for a moment, but ultimately, more importantly, I allowed myself to feel incredibly proud of what I can accomplish. #YoungIndependentMom

It is already the end of the year, and I am desperately craving a getaway to a country I have never visited before. To add to that, I really want to travel with my kids and share these new experiences with them. However, the reality is that planning a trip with kids can be incredibly challenging. Balancing flight schedules, packing for every possible emergency, finding family-friendly accommodations, and keeping everyone happy on the road takes a massive amount of emotional and mental energy. tsk

Ending my blog post with cutie Aelfred.

Thanks for reading. Till then XX. Live well k.